Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
