how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
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