the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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