there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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