At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
