I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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