Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
