Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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