honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
