Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
