how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
