I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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