Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
