bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize