so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I woke up under a house in Key West
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