Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The Olympian is in my bed
He shit in the fireplace
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
