your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
