Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
