I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
