guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
