theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize