i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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