you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
