This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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