i love accidental penises.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
