i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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