just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
