i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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