Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
