You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You left your phone here
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