she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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