I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
