i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Can you bring me the toilet please
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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