best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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