I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
did i walk over a car last night?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Who died my cat blue again?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
