Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
