I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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