He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize