my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
