final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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