i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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