I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
