some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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