Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
