are you still at the devil's house?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
