Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
