I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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