I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
