im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
