her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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