there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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