Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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