I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
