I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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