Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
