He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
