So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
