I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
