so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
