I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
