I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
