he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize