i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
