Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Randomize