well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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