i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
