We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
i think im in europe. pls send help
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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