If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
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